I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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