You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
