i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
