I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
