i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
