We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
