Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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