I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I met the friendliest cop last night
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
