just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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