Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
