we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
