this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
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How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
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Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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