we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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