Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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