her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
