Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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