so let's talk penis.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
