Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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