If i come over, it means nothing
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
