We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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