im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
