I think my vagina is haunted
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
