I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
