the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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