My vagina just recognized that song.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
