After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
