Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
