Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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