Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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