Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
