peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
