guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
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he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
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we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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