By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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