oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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