Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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