woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
