My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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