Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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