u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize