So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
