I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
