and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
