Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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