Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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