I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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