I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
