grandma shit on top of the toilet
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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