oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
