We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
