I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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