so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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