Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
