so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
