Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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