My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
