i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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