I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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