I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
