im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
