she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
