3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
