i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
