I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Someone shit on the floor
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
