My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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