Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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