Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
