I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
