Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You have to summon your inner elephant
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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