Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
