careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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