i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
