I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
