I look better un-naked...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
